I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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