if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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