We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
