my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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