im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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