If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
