When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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