idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
