Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
