I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
