I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
