Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
