Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
