Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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