Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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