No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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