I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
