Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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