Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
