4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can't put those talents on a resume
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
