the condom got lost in my hair
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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