I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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