Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
