I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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