it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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