Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
sex in a hospital.. check
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
