you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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