I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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