I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it's great music for shaving your balls
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
