She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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