He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
