he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
