You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was born a porn star she said
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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