my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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