So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I am morally bankrupt
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
