I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
