What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
