Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
