So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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