Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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