I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
