Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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