batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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