Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
