It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
