My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
