Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
