I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
