I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
