Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
